Sitting

and watching

the time that’s illuminating

my world.

Brighten it up on those cloudy days

and make it feel like home.

Make it feel like how it used to be

and how it still should be

because that should be the important part

remembering we.

Life is just a game.

We’re all waiting for it to begin.

Some may watch

and some may play,

some will lose,

and some will win.

No need to wait for the end

it’ll come sooner than expected.

———————————————————————-

So I wrote this ‘shallsay’ poem not too long ago. Weeks been so busy I forgot I even wrote it. Not great, not terrible, just is. Beginning to hate these double spaced lines.  Just read it over… does it even make sense? Ha, oh well.

Marlee Goldman

I AM SO FRUSTRATED. How can I possibly blog about what I feel like and what’s annoying me when the whole world watches me under a microscope?! I can’t say “oh she did this and he didn’t do that,” when they’ll eventually see it. Now I’m not complaining.. I made it all that way, but you know, maybe some thing’s I really just have to keep private. Or keep for myself. Or keep for people who aren’t people I know. I’m just so frustrated. Frustrated because there’s so much I just want to pour out in this little Tumblr text post, but can’t. The only thing’s I’m left with saying are WHY? and what the hell am I doing wrong? Or how the hell can I change the situation? UGH. I have to admit, this stupid little text post is about jealousy. JeaLOUSY because that’s how the hell it makes you feel. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, that’s all. God. Am I not funny enough? Am I not fun enough? Am I not the same? Am I not different? Just tell me and I’ll give you my thought’s. I’ll tell you what I feel like if you just tell me what the hell’s wrong with me. With us. You know.. I really thought everything was going pretty smoothly.. Of course there are plenty of bumps that I seem to cowardly be afraid of.. but I thought it was smooth overall. But I just realized how much really IS wrong. I understand every single side of it all. I guess I just wish life worked differently.

Here are some old poems I wrote a little while back. Some are long, some are short, but they all mean something incredibly deep to me. Enjoy.

OWN SKIN

Thoughts roaming inside my head,

never knowing how to come out.

They’re there, I know they are,

but how to write them about.

Never knowing what to say,

and never knowing how to feel.

Can’t there be something out there,

to make me feel real?

I don’t know how to act right,

and I don’t know how to look.

Maybe someone can write,

an actual decent how-to book.

But maybe I don’t need to look right,

and maybe I don’t need to act right,

maybe all I need is something,

to direct me toward the right light.

I don’t need peoples opinions,

I don’t need peoples words.

all I need is my own self judgement,

I’ll even call myself a nerd.

But I still have that feeling of difference,

and I still have that feeling of weird.

I guess this is actually much harder,

than it really appeared.

People tell me to enjoy being different,

people tell me to enjoy being weird.

But how can you possibly enjoy that,

when all your hope has disappeared.

I’m not accepted anywhere,

and I’m sure not accepted here.

Maybe what I need to do,

is really let go of all those fears?

I have to learn to be fierce,

and I have to learn to be strong.

I have to learn how to think right,

and learn right from wrong.

I have to keep all those bad thoughts out,

and bring all the good ones in.

I have to learn to love myself,

and know what counts lies within.

I don’t fear the world now,

and I don’t fear the place I’m in.

I basically just taught myself,

it’s okay to be comfortable in your own skin.

FORGIVE

I’m dying,

with only a few days to live.

but i still have time, for my heart to give,

to all of those, who aren’t yet dead,

who still need love and a soul to be fed.

feed it with wisdom, patience, and truth,

spiritually drink from the fountain of youth.

don’t let a heart skip beats that are needed,

try to live whole, with a life fully succeeded.

love oneself, and it’ll love thy back,

dont get lost, try to stay on track.

i’m dying, im dying, not a day left to live,

just a few last words, “always try to forgive.”

forgive and forget is the key to this place,

remember those words, and you’ll win this darn race.

WHY?

This hurt Isn’t healing, but instead over taking,

of all and of is, our hands are still shaking.

Sit still and just whisper the words we are feeling,

let all of our voices keep our souls from revealing.

The truth that lies behind all our masks,

“why are we hiding?” the little one asks.

Why are we hiding? is it to keep us alive?

To help, to heal, to let us survive?

THE ROOM

There’s an empty silence that weighs in the room next door,

soft, and still, and silent.

The door is always shut, acting as if there were a different world on the other side, a world we seemed to all be forbidden from.

I must say, I miss what used to be of that room.

The laughs, and the fights, and the exciting “roller-coaster rides.”

But now what is left, besides the simple sadness that lies within?

All the memories have slowly disappeared and vanished,

like words written in pencil that have effortlessly been erased.

A soul now fills the presence of that room; It’s not the same soul.

There is still an empty silence hidden in that different world behind that now different door.

My heart pour’s out on this paper, but what I want is for my heart to poor out at that door.

So he’ll know, so we’ll all know.

That I feel alone.

That I feel empty.

That I feel taken over.

But I could never say what I feel, or even get close to matching my emotions.

What I feel is too confusing for all of them anyways.